Are you happy with the people in your life? I mean completely happy? Most of us would have to say “NO” to this question. Although we can’t change negative people, no matter how hard we try we can change our response to them
Hi and welcome to Barrworld.com. Today we are looking at changing your thoughts about how we deal with some negative people. Changing your thoughts is simple, just not easy but it is doable, if you persist long enough.
WARNING, I don’t in anyway want to leave you with the impression that if you could only think positive thoughts that your life will turn from a rubbish heap to a life filled with joy and inner meaning. We’ll leave that to the movies and the romance novels.
So what am I talking about? I’m talking about everyday life and the things that you experience in your life. For example I have a person in my work life that every time they come into my office, I know the energy meter is going to drop to new lows. Why because they only bring old problems and new issues. The sky is always falling. They create a feeling of fear, uncertainty and doubt better known as the FUD factor.
I have tried for years to get them to look at the problem in a different light but I have had no success. Until it hit me like a brick. It’s not my job to change him; it’s my job to change me. My thinking had to improve or I would have to continue have this frustration.
So here is what I came up with and I hope it helps you.
- Learn not to take it personally. You should never let other people opinions of you become your reality. Don’t get caught up in the emotions.
The person talking to you has just as many flaw or maybe more than you.
- Take the truth and forget the rest. When you eat a chicken, you only eat the meat and throw out the bones. You should treat the conversation with negative people the same way. Take what you need and forget the rest.
- Only take on your portion of the issue. A lot of times these types of people are just looking for a place to dump their issues. Sometimes they are proud of all the things they are dealing with and just want to show off. You have to read between the lines and see if you really have any responsibility to help them. This is a time to be tough, only take on things that will help you move you closer to your life goals or is a personal responsibility you have taken on.
- Ask questions. This has been the life saver for me. After the verbal dump that happens, ask questions that will sort out the facts from fiction. You should only deal with the facts. Here are some questions that you can use.
- OK I get it so what are you going to do about it?
- Have you thought about this approach?
- I’m not sure I see how I can help you with that?
- Sounds like you still need to do some research. Have you talked to some in Finance?
- I think I understand how you got to X but I’m not sure how you got to Y conclusion. Could you explain that to me?
- Clarify your response. Never let them leave without being 100% sure what next steps will be. A most of the time none of these next steps will NOT have your name on it.
I hope you have found this helpful. I bet you have your own ways of dealing with these types of people. Drop me a note in the comment section and share how you work with the negative people in your life.
God Bless and we’ll chat soon.